I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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