been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
