if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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