mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
