I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
