Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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