I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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