'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Two words: blizzard sex
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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