Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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