you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
