so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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