Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
