I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
