Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
handjob tips. give me some.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
