i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
