Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
