farters have to be the big spoon...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
