After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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