You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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