if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
