he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
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