watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
