maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
