Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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