end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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