Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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