all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
