I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
