The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
