Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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