I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
