He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You can't special order awesome
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
So squirting runs in the family.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm like, not good at living.
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