Sorry, I don't speak sober.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
