i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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