I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
