You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
