i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
