did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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