there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
