Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
