Swine flu. Run for my life!
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
