The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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