Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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