Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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