Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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