everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
