i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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