Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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