first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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