I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Vodka?
Forever.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
