just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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