So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
