Sry I called you an 8
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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