Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
