Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
