Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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