My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
