The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
