I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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